A Woman’s Singularity Voices Her Independence!

“Marriage validates a woman’s existence”. Such are the thoughts that lurk around people with a restricted, stereotypical and one with a major superiority complex mindset. Such are the thoughts of people who underestimate the value that lies within the prominence a woman actually holds within herself. Such thoughts can also dwell in the habitat of insecurities women might have about themselves, placed in the cage by a lock of society’s shallow perceptions. Women are not reflections mirrored by a man in the same mirror! Women are not succumbed to frame themselves in a man’s portrait! A woman’s responsibility is to paint her own reflection! A responsibility that shouldn’t be declined through marriage.

Marriage is often known as an ‘accomplishment’ in a woman’s life. But it is not the only goal of a woman’s life. Women are deliberate to fulfill their dreams and ambitions, but when the topic of marriage’ is brought up – negativity takes over a woman’s mind.

In the olden era, the main purpose of a marriage was to financially stabilise a woman and secure her future through a guaranteed fortune-marriage. However, this was a valid reason back then but just an excuse now-a woman today is more than capable of financially stabilising herself. Today the majority of women are provided proper education that is required to build a woman’s confidence in herself to achieve goals much more worthy and valuable than marriage. By claiming that fortune will eventually come your way when you get married is a foolish choice as you are making yourself vulnerable to that particular future you have imagined for yourself. None of us know what the future has in store for us and we should not wait for it to tell us whether our desire for easy earned stability will come true or not. Instead we should rely on ourselves.

Women back then were treated with rejection, disrespect and dishonour while women who were already wedded were considered more prominent and significant. This was because they regarded single women as poor, egregious and strumpets. After being looked upon as such, they became a disgrace to their families, inconsiderate of the fact that none of which was in fact true, leading their parents to develop marriage as the most significant goal in their daughter’s lives.

In the notable novel of Pride and Prejudice set in the 19th century, women were initially housewives and getting married was typically the end goal. Back then, being a wife is what had defined a woman, through this we can understand why some people perceive it as a special accomplishment. Whereas in today’s society, ladies are balancing much more than just finding a man. Women are entrepreneurs, lawyers, teachers, CEOs, inventors, designers, researchers, writers, consultants and so much more. Women are going to college and then getting their masters and doctorate degrees. Women are endlessly working to climb up the corporate ladder. Women are key figures in our government. Women are changing the world with their innovation. And while many of these women are married, they are definitely not solely defined by their last name.

One of the accomplished and fascinating women who just happened to never legally tie the knot — proving that marriage isn’t absolutely essential to a full life is Clara Barton, who was well-known for her service on the battlefields during the Civil War and for her work establishing the American Red Cross. At age 17, she became a teacher; and later she became the first female clerk at the U.S. Patent Office, and the first female clerk there to be paid equal to a man’s salary.

As a result of matter, the idea of marriage should not be generalised with women’s future aims. Marriage is a legal contract in which the husband and wife mutually agree to the terms of taking care of each other, will provide each other with emotional support when one of them is enduring an arduous situation or even to experience the joyful events taking place in one’s life together as a family. Yet, a woman’s aspirations of reaching great heights like having their dream career is something that requires EDUCATION. Women have succeeded in fulfilling their goals as they have sacrificed their sleepless nights, have stayed as an earnest being and have majorly ignored society’s bullets of ignorance and intolerance shooting towards them with their powerful shield which comprises of patience, equanimity and fortitude. This specific yearning has been aimed to be drained off the womens’ minds, fortunately they have failed. Women have empowered themselves with their main force of courage which is inbuilt in them through unanticipated events that took place in their lives, it is ironic when others seek appraisal for their success.

In the past, parents were more concerned about their daughter getting married than being concerned with their daughters ambitions. They did not think of their daughter’s dreams instead they used to convince their daughters for marriage. The society was the cause of making marriage a significant goal of a woman’s life. The idea of women empowerment was never brought up in the society until the 1970s.

There were and are people who are not financially independent causing them to often have this mindset as their desire for their children’s future dominates their mindset and I completely understand and it’s their right to worry about their children’s future. But that also does not mean that you should leave all your hopes on a man, instead fight and manifest a will to rise and save the people you wish to along with yourself. Do not be dependant on anyone let alone a man.

In 2007, Leslie Bennetts published a book called “The Feminine Mistake: Are We Giving Up Too Much?,” which was inspired by the so-called opting-out movement. As a growing percentage of women dropped out of the workforce to become stay-at-home moms, the media glorified their decisions as happy lifestyle choices. Unfortunately, the press coverage of this trend failed to report how damaging its consequences were likely to be. Her book documented the long-term risks of economic dependency.It helps more than sitting around and waiting for your knight in shining armour to rescue you. Each every parent also has the responsibility of having faith in their children and the decisions they make, they should raise their children as strong and wise, they should also let their children decide on their own whether they want to marry or not. We should build up a mindset in which you depend on what you are capable of achieving and I assure you that marriage isn’t even close to where you as an individual existence stands.

“Marriage is the only goal for women”, this is just a fence to the diverse ambitions we possess as individuals, it prevents us from dreaming, it closes our hopes of stepping foot into the world and being recognised for who we are and not who we are married to. Each and every one of us has a place they want to be, each and every one of us has a purpose to walk forward as time passes by and that shouldn’t be marriage. We all have the right to speak freely and openly of our opinions, we have the right to convey the uncountable feelings and thoughts that need to be expressed, we have a right to make sure that everyone knows where we want to stand. This includes the consideration of the LGBTQ community who shouldn’t be suppressed to society’s stereotypical frames, they shouldn’t be forced into compressing their feelings. Being forced into such a relationship could also affect their children due to possible fallout caused through the oppression of marriage, not to mention the severe damage on a woman’s mental health caused through her suppressed and anxious emotions.

We should also consider the fact that nowadays people are in a relationship and they don’t want to get married. Why? When it comes to dating and relationships, everyone has different expectations when it comes to the future of that particular relationship and where they want it to go and how. Some people choose to remain single, some get married, and some are in a romantic relationship for a long time who want to take it slow and think only about the present and not the future and have no intention of walking down the aisle and getting married as of yet or ever. There are plenty of reasons why some women don’t want to get married and they range from wanting to focus on other things to simply just not wanting to get married and we as humans should respect their decisions and choices regardless of the fact whether we feel it is wrong or right. The matter of relationship is between the ones who are involved and their decision whether to get married or not lies within them not us.

Remember marriage is just an event, it is something that may or may not be a part of your life and that is your own choice, it is not a goal. In order to succeed in a goal, you need to work for it, you need to give it all you have so you yourself feel that you deserve to achieve that particular goal. However, do you need to work hard to just get married? Is that going to be the center of your determination? If it is, I highly recommend you to stop. Because in the end that goal will lead you nowhere. Don’t let it control how your mind thinks, don’t let it possess the freedom that is entitled to you.

Suppose you have achieved your goal and that to very successfully married a rich man, what’s next? Is your life finished? Is everything you have to do over? No. Because you have a right to experience all the experiences that are meant to be experienced individually, there are things in this world that only you can accomplish. There is more to life than just a stage that occurs. And one of its biggest mistakes is underestimating a women and it will not happen again and so that it does not ever captivate a women in a suffocating shackles each and every one of you women have to stand up on your own two feet, you have to be a beacon of strength, power and hope that each and every woman needs in order to fight the society and herself so that she can learn how to swim by herself without needing a knight and shining armour to rescue her. You don’t need a man to complete your existence, you yourself are enough to make that happen.

“If you’re a man, you should probably get married,” says behavioral scientist Paul Dolan. “If you’re a woman, don’t bother” Dolan is a professor at the London School of Economics. In his new book, Happy Ever After: Escaping the Myth of the Perfect Life, Dolan matter-of-factly pits fairytale archetypes of marital bliss against the empirical evidence. This precise statement from the perspective of a psychologist emphasises on the concept that marriage is not an aspect which has to be forced into women, we are not given the right to control other people’s lives, especially women. We should only be running to chase our dreams, yet some people think that they are aiding women in certain facet of life but it is a BIG FAT NO! Some Women are lead into frustration and anxiety as a result of this issue as herself and her spouse do not share the same happiness.

People often have this incorrect conceptualisation that when a woman is married their true meaning of life (marriage) has been completed, this is the reason why people force women into marriages. In the USA, 48 percent of those who marry before the age of 18 are likely to divorce within 10 years as a result of forced marriage, compared to 25 percent of those who marry after the age of 25. 60 percent of couples married between the age of 20 -25 will end in divorce. These statistics patently display the extent of failed marriages mainly because of forced marriages. Mostly in the Asian world, societies are built with this particular notion that a married woman will be well respected by the people surrounding them yet, education is what makes a woman gain respect and recognition from the perspective of the whole world.

Even in urban areas, so many girls pursuing higher education are forced to marry before they even complete their degrees. So a girl capable of being a CA is forced to work at a minor position in a bank, and cook for her in-laws. Her parents do not think that if she waits for a year to prepare for the exam and cracks it, her standard of life would be much better than what it is now. They don’t imagine such a future because their imagination is shrunk by the patriarchal mindset, often gifted by a widely accepted interpretation of religion.

Being forced into marriage also leads to the increase of divorce rates. As per Hampton Road Legal Services findings: there is 1 divorce approximately every 36 seconds! That’s nearly 2,400 divorces per day, 16,800 divorces per week and 876,000 divorces a year. There are numerous studies that have shown the economic costs of divorce fall more heavily on women. After separation, women experience a sharper decline in household income and a greater poverty risk (Smock and Manning). Their former husbands, in contrast, may even improve their standard of living in post divorce years. We are obliged to think about both parties and their future. People claim marriage is for the best but sometimes marriage can have an entirely opposite effect which will leave whoever involved in the relationship with scars that cannot be erased for the rest of their lives.

There is a reason why both women and men were born into this world. There is a reason why women exist and there is a reason why men exist and our equality balances the order of this world. Men do not weigh heavier than women and nor do women weigh heavier than men. We are not anyone’s reflections nor are we anyone’s shadows, we are just ourselves as individuals and our choices and our achievements define our worth in itself. Marriage is just a part of life it is not life itself.

Written by:

• Hiba Zainab Khan
• Aafia Abu Baker
• Aneesha Sahae
• Fatma Sayed
• Maryam Ahmad
• Risali Dharmasena